Solo & Strong

Make the big changes. (continued from step 2)

Stay with me, this may not seem like a way to reduce stress as many people see change as a stressor. Also, the toxic positivity people (I’m looking at you ‘coaches’) say to just jump off every cliff because they say it will be better for you. Ugh! No! Change is needed if you don’t like your life. But not blind change! Research is key in making the best decisions. Which is what I needed to focus on. Here is what I learned:

Reduce Stress – Financially

If you don’t have enough money for financial stability, consider;

• Changing careers
• Moving to lessen the cost of living

Remember, this is one of the 3 pillars of this blog so you will be reading about this topic a lot. Millennials stay at their job for about 3 years, on average. Gen Z is less than that. So if you have been at your job for more than 3 years and you aren’t financially stable, time to move on, chica!

Speaking for myself, I had to fully commit to four of the five things I just mentioned. I wasn’t getting anywhere with one or two. The stress was killing me (per my doctor). Thus the need to reduce stress.

Was changing careers stressful? Yeah. For half a second. But guess what? I am EXCELLENT at this new career. The pay is incredible and I’m not even getting paid the average for the role I’m in. Now that I’m settled, it is significantly less stressful than my previous career.

The career gave me the money I needed to make the other changes. Including cutting people out of my life. Which, surprisingly, made me feel more confident in myself.

While Chicago and LA have tons to do, which is great when you’re single, they just aren’t worth the price when you have kids. I had to learn that I needed to completely ditch all expectations for location. I needed safety, affordability, and everything else was optional.

Reduce Stress – Health

If the people in your life are stressing you out more than providing you peace;

• Reduce your social media
• Enforce boundaries and/or stop contact
• Find new support groups

Social Media…such a double edged sword. I’m an introvert, so I prefer Pinterest. Facebook went to hell years ago. Insta isn’t any better, it just has more photos/videos. The downfall of Twitter has been amazing to watch and honestly I am on Bluesky quite a bit. But even though I’m only on 3 social media apps, I still get sucked in.

The crap and propaganda is just as rampant as cute puppy videos that provide my much needed happy chemicals. So I set timers. I only allow myself 3 social media accounts. And you know what? I DO feel better. IT DID reduce stress for me.

Now, onto family.

Did I want to stop contact with all of my family members? The little girl in me was screaming not to. But that little girl had grown accustomed to the pain the family inflicted (emotionally) on her and just came to terms that it was her normal. Not. Anymore.

It was difficult. My family blamed me. They would not even think about how this could possibly be their fault. It took about a week, but they went silent after that. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Did it reduce stress for me? Hell yeah! Way more than I thought.

Now I have a FANTASTIC found family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Who lovingly support myself and my kiddo. Who do not abuse or gaslight me. I doubted I would find a place like this for us, but I am so glad that doubt wasn’t justified!

If you would find it helpful for me to go into any of these changes in more detail, just comment below!