So much. It means so much. I am so tired of people not understanding the absolute soul deep toll it takes to raise a child. Full credit to the multiple African cultures that created this and teach this.
Dealing vs Ideal
Yes, you can do it on your own, but no that isn’t how it is supposed to work. Anthropologically speaking, humanity would have died out long ago if woman were forced to single parent their way across the grasslands and jungles. We NEED help!
For me, that means having enough people in mine and Kiddo’s lives to support us. Kind, non-toxic, dedicated, healthy people. Everyone needs to be a safe and loving role model to Kiddo’s life, no exceptions.
My ideal ‘village’ consists of Carers, Advisors, Supporters, and Educators.
Carer = Someone who can provide physical care to either Kiddo or myself (daycare, driving me to the doctor when I am sick, helping with extra-curricular activities).
Advisor = Someone who can provide advisement or insight into new or difficult situations (social situations, career, finances, Kiddo’s growth milestones, moving abroad).
Supporters = Someone who is always there to listen, align with you, or help out in other ways when things get tough (helping find a new job, staying by your side through difficult transitions, helping with bills when finances are tight, celebrating wins, encouragement).
Educators = Someone who can teach Kiddo when I lack the ability or experience (school work, languages, social situations, bullying, social justice, mental health)
The list and the contributions go on, but these were the 4 key titles that I found to be most critical and helpful to our lives. Also, when things are reversed, these are the titles I would fall into to help others.
How many people should you have?
This is a rare instance where quality and quantity must be combined. Based on our lifestyle, this would be around 10 people or more. Which, given the kind of commitments that are required to keep a village going, can be a bit daunting.
A good way to visualize how many you need is to visualize you at the lowest point (whether you have been there already or not). Then visualize how many people would be required to help you maintain a modest life until you are back on your feet, without becoming a burden to them. The number adds up quickly, right?
Finding Your Village
In my experience, I didn’t find mine until I began to take steps to remove myself and Kiddo from the toxic and abusive people in our lives. I am still building my village. Honestly, I expect it to take several years because I need to be very very sure that these are people I trust Kiddo’s life with.
I found the members of my current tribe when I was making significant and meaningful changes in my life. I wasn’t looking for support, support found me when I put the effort in to make a better life.
This was a lot to take in and I could go on about this at length, but I hope what you read here was able to help you. Please remember, that you and your kiddo(s) come first. If people in your life, blood family or otherwise, do not FULLY support you in that, huge changes are going to need to happen for you to get the life you and your kiddo(s) deserve.
Leave a Reply